Insurance pish-posh should be reserved exclusively for A-Dults

Tips on Surviving Life, the Masters Programme

1. If you are going to go out to an eye exam and it is raining, wear your contacts, or else your glasses will prevent vision as opposed to aiding it.

2. If you are going to go out to an eye exam and it is raining, bring an umbrella, you little idiot.

3. If you are going to go out to an eye exam and it is raining, you might want to be sure they take your insurance when you schedule the appointment, or else you might have to walk the same twenty minutes back that you already walked there, and you might have worn glasses, and you might have not brought an umbrella, and thus you might return home looking like a 3 out of ten without knowing a dang thing about the current status of your eye health. Might.

Albino the Frog

So.

One of the first steps in getting your Masters in Life involves addressing/ approaching mental stability. 

In many cities, this entails having a favorite place to sip tea, or a favorite beach or park you can go to collect your thoughts while sipping your tea, both hands wrapped gingerly around the chipped, oversized mug from whence your grandmother once sipped tea, and you stare meaningfully into the distance, your hair perhaps lightly fluttering in the perfect breeze that lovingly grazes your peachfuzz-dusted cheek. Look at you go, all that serene thought collection!

In New York City, it just means having a good therapist. (Cheese ball sex and the city line? yes, but it doesnt make it any less true.)

Luckily, I gots me one a those bad boyz (woman) already. But how stable can I get if the ten minutes I sit anxiously awaiting her to flag me in are spent in the company of the worlds creepiest albino frog!?!! And I assume most albino frogs in the world, however few, are pretty dang creepy. But this one, its tops. Most days it hides in the castle, and then jumps out, with as much vigor as an albino frog can possibly have, to attack its prey, caught unawares. (Its prey is simply simply fish food, but thus it is in a perpetual state of "unawares," no?) After the successful hunt, albino the frog returns to the castle, awaiting the next ideal moment to pounce. 

But Today! Today albino the frog was darting like a mad man left and right up and down and to and fro, no stop, ALL GO! It was truly wild. A real creep, that abino the frog, but I certainly can't keep my eyes off of him.

My Masters In Surviving Life

As is often the case with curios cats such as myself, the mother that shot me out of her vag and into this wide world is quite a character herself. In speaking of my unemployment today, she explained "Shel, the other option is you'd be in school now, spending all the money on food and drinks you already do, PLUS tuition. So save that money, and focus your studies- for free- in getting your Masters in Surviving Life." Good. Point. Mom. 

And thus, with words of wisdom from Lucretia McDougal, the My Masters In Surviving Life blog has been created.

 To honor her, I shall accompany my first  post with the Blood, Sweat and Tears song "Lucretia MacEvil," a song that she is most certain was penned about her after a particularly terrible photo of her was in the local paper during the bands visit to Miami. Enjoy.